An Update on Family

Hello again everyone! There has been so many changes since the last time I wrote on here.

Tiffany age 14

Dakota-James age 10

Tyler age 5

Kimberly age 15

The kids are doing wonderful. They are almost out for the summer and are excited about that. Tiffany and DJ will be moving on to 8th and 4th grades. Tyler graduates preschool this year and will go on to kindergarden this fall. I can't wait to see how he does in full time school. We will have to work on his schedule for school over the summer, but he is a very smart little man. He is still having fine motor skills, but we have several things that we can do to help him work on that...When he is willing to work with us that is. Kimberly is being very good and is doing wonderful in school. She is growing up so fast it is hard to believe that at her age I had her in my arms....( I was 15 when Kimberly was born) All my babies are growing up so fast!

Jason with ALL of his children

Jason is doing wonderful. His health is getting stronger and stronger each day. He has a few health problems, but all in all he is ten times better then what he was before his lung surgery. He is still doing great in college. He has been remodeling up here and him and his father have made a closet into a bathroom for me. It is wonderful! He bought bikes over a game system and we bike regularly now to get exercise and fresh air as much as we can. We are both eating grilled foods as Jason bought a gas grill for us to cook on. It tastes wonderful and is healthier then fried foods.

Odie Puppy Shepard age 9 months

I am doing pretty good. I am on an anxiety medication twice a day and a depression pill of a morning. I also take a sleeping aid at night. This has made my life a lot easier and made it a lot easier for my family to deal with me. I am not always mad, sad, or hurting. We are still working on getting it perfect, but already it is so much better! I am very much overweight now that we don't smoke anymore, so there are no new photo's of me to add to this. I am trying hard to get the extra weight off and hope I can get my self confidence back as well. I eat healthier as I said above and I exercise the best I can with the back and feet problems I have. My Odie Puppy is registered now and officially my doggy! He is a great little guy. We have him potty trained basically now and he is getting along with the cats and kids great! He loves to watch Tyler blow bubbles and then he tries to pop them. ( no joke!) We have talked about getting another little one so he has a playmate, but we are not sure at this point. We took him to get groomed...he was very cute, but I don't think we will get the hair cut again...I love his longer hair better!

Well.....There you have it. An update on the most important thing in my world my family! We hope you enjoyed reading this and I will be sure to start keeping it updated. I have started several projects and plan to post how we did them and pictures of the finished product. 

TAKE CARE!!!!!

Again with Change

                Once again I am facing more changes in my life. I keep getting told by all my friends and family ( what little family I have) that I am one of the strongest people they know. I can handle anything. When it comes down to it though I am not. I am strong because I have to be. I am in reality a very whiny scared person. I fear all the time something will happen to Jason now. I hate change. I don't do well away from home. I don't do well when things don't go the way I planned and I don't do well with life changes.

Me with my dog since the weight gain

I have had several test and a full physical over the last few weeks and come to find out I am in perfect health....well all but a high blood sugar test, but it was without fasting so we have to do another blood test to see if I have to do a diabetes test. I have gained close to 50 pounds since Aug. when I stopped smoking. I have had such trouble with my back and knees that we don't exercise the way we should. On top of the weather being so cold it is hard to get out and walk every night like we used to.

           I know that we need to get out and exercise. I know we need to eat less and I need to eat healthier, but because it isn't a life or death thing right now I find myself putting it off. I can't even look in the mirror now without feeling sick. I have no need to be naked in front of ANYONE. This is putting a strain on my life with Jason. I can't help it. I don't have any clothes that fit or an income to buy larger ones. I don't want to buy larger clothes! I have always been chubby my whole life, but this is out of hand and I have to fix it, yet I can't bring myself to. I know what needs done. I have support in doing it. I just can't. I take that back, I can, I just don't want to.

            It hurts. It hurts to walk, to exercise, and to give up all the foods I love. I gave up smoking and that helped me with my stress ( I know a lot of you don't believe it does, but smoking HELPED me with stress! ) I don't have an income to get out with my husband alone very often and we never have the money to take the kids out to places. ( Not that they listen well enough to do that anyways ) It seems like everything is falling on us at once and it really sucks.

         Jason and I both know that the remodeling needs to be finished so we have a bathroom and another bedroom. Plus we would get rid of the nasty carpet and have wonderful hardwood and new paint. The thought of that is wonderful, but that means leaving for a week so the work can be done. Coming up with the money for that and for me to handle being away from home that long is going to be a chore.

I keep telling myself we will get through all this, but when and how is yet to be known.

Vent

Normally when I get upset I vent by grouching at Jason or writing it all out and then deleting it. I figured since I have a blog this is the perfect time to vent and have it to look back on later. Tyler woke up on Friday morning with a little bit of gunk in his eyes and they were slightly pink. I did not think anything of it because he did not complain nor did he act sick or different in any way. I have had a cold so I thought he was just starting to come down with the same cold I had. That was true in one aspect. He woke up on Saturday morning with really gunky eyes and the gunk was green. His eyes were bright red and looked BAD. I gathered up the gas money to run him to the Emergency Room. We did not have the gas to go to Springfield so I took him to Carlinville Emergency Room. Our visit went as followed:

Tyler right after ER before he felt bad

First they told us as soon as we arrived that they had no rooms available so they were going to put us in the triage room. The nurse came in promptly after that and took his blood pressure ( it was normal) his oxygen level ( it was 97 and that is good) and asked a bunch of questions while trying to get him temp. He would not allow the nurse to take it by mouth so she used his under arm and it came back okay as well.
We sat in that room for a half hour when a nurse came and said she needed our "room" and moved Tyler to the lobby. We sat there for about 15 minutes and then they once again came and got us and put us in an "out patient area". We sat in that room for another half hour or so when the doctor finally came in to see him. Of course this whole time Tyler is acting out and whining because he is bored as I forgot to bring things with us for him to do.
The doctor come in and stands about 3 feet away from him and says " Yep that looks like pink eye, and it is in both eyes. I don't believe in treating it with medications because it is viral and it will run its course just like a common cold" and continues on to say use over the counter eye drops and tylenol and he will be fine. He then walks out of the room. He never one time touched my child. This means he did not look at his ears, throat etc.

Starting to feel like crap, but trying to smile

We sat in the room waiting for the nurse to bring discharge papers for another 10 minutes or longer and the "doctor" came back by the room. I stopped him and asked could you please check his ears. I know that when you get pink eye it tends to come with ear infections as well. This is where I about lost my lunch.
He looked at me and said "um sure, but I don't want to get to close to him as he is highly contagious" He did NOT touch Tyler at all. He made me turn his head and hold his ears.  Then told me that they were congested and had the start of fluid to watch him closely it could turn into infection and once again left the room. The nurse brought in discharge papers about 10 minutes after that and we left.
Since then Tyler has gained a fever, cough and more nasty looking nose. I am almost sure it is a sinus infection on top of the ear problems and pink eyes and he says his throat hurts. From what I can see there are no puss pockets, but without a doctor I will not know if he has strep too. I have never felt so PISSED off and helpless all at the same time. This is the worst doctor visit I have EVER had in my life and I really wish it would have been for me, not my 4 year old little boy who doesn't understand why he feels this way.

Right before he fell asleep

I will be taking him to another doctor ASAP.

BLACKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my way to contribute to the protest going on right now! Please read and please find as much information as you can. Knowledge is power and we must fight for our freedoms!!!!!

This and That is what makes the days pass by.

Tyler ready to head to school without a tear!

                Wow, this has been a very interesting few weeks. Tyler is now in underpants all but when he is asleep. This is a HUGE break through with him. He has always been smarter then most kids his age, but he has some problems that most kids don't. For one, he has a really hard time with textures and eating a lot of foods. This has not really slowed him down, but it has caused concern for diet and growth. The doctor thinks he will be okay as long as he continues to eat the meats and veggies that he does. We are working on getting some sort of fruit in his diet, but it is a work in progress. We can not force foods on him like most parents can as it causes him to vomit over and over till whatever was in his stomach isn't anymore. So, we try things slowly and only if he wants to. The good news is he loves milk so that helps keep weight on him, even though he is small for his age and the doctor worries because he is only 36 pounds and 5 in four months.

Jason and Tyler cuddling

                    Jason and I have been learning to deal with stress without smoking and it has been a chore at some times. The kids have been home more then not lately and it has caused us to want to pull out our hair. Tyler is now going to pre-k full time and not crying about it anymore and that is another HUGE step for him. The other two kids are having to relearn how to listen and work with us. I am not sure what happened, but we lost grip on them for a bit. Now that Jason is working part-time we have to work around that and college to still try to have time for fun and family. It can be a juggle at times and we are getting a schedule down now slowly. I do wish we had more time for each other or "alone time" together, but that doesn't seem possible right now. I also would LOVE to have some time to myself, you know ALONE, but that NEVER happens. As I said everything is a work in progress, but we are getting better at juggling it all everyday.

Just one of Jason's dinners 

           One thing that has changed around here for the better is my wonderful husband has been more supporting. He helps cook dinner, and helps clean the house. Before I always felt as if no one cared or gave a crap I was worn out or needed help. Now, Jason is always asking me what he can do to help. He is a wonderful cook and I love it when he makes me and the kids dinner. He also has such great taste in everything that a lot of the time I want to just sit back and see what he does or comes up with! All and all we are getting through the bad and seeing the good in the future. We may still have some issues to work with, but we will make it as long as we are together. I love my kids, even if they drive me crazy, and I love my husband more then the world!

Smokey and Odie Puppy

Odie is doing great. He has healed from his surgery and is ready to stud. We have a new little girl puppy coming to breed with him in the next month or 2. She is pure blonde so their babies should be interesting looking. We still a lot of cats, but we know that if we did not take care of them they would have to live outdoors and without anyone at all to feed them or take care of them. We have another stray that we are caring for named Hershey. He is all black and long haired. He seems to "deal" with the other cats and Odie but don't really like them. I hope to start finding homes for most of the cats that Norm will allow to leave. The two animals that I plan to keep is my Odie, of course, and we also seem to have gotten attached to a kitten we call Smokey. Those 2 animals are the ones we consider ours and want to keep them with us no matter where we go or what we do.

I guess that is about it for this update. I hope everyone enjoyed the photo's and we will continue to keep in touch. Things are always changing in this house, so it is pretty easy to write blog posts every few weeks. Thanks for following us and sharing our lives with us!

Short Update

Tyler, Tiffany, Dakota-James

Well the kids return to school tomorrow after a 15 day break. I can't tell you how happy that makes ME! I love my children, but locking them indoors, due to nasty cold weather, for that long of a time is pure HELL. Not only on them, but for us parents as well. Other then that the kids greatly enjoyed their presents and the break from school. Jason and I are working to get things back on schedule and it is hard. We have always been night people and now that we need to be up during the day it is becoming rough on us. I am sure over time we will adjust.

My puppy in my arms

 I am still battling depression, but each day that I get out of bed is a good day.My birthday present from Jason this last year, (Odie), has made battling all these depression and anxiety problems a lot easier. He is the best little guy in the world and I can't imagine my life without him. 
Last night was a bit rough, but I have a wonderful husband to see me through all the good and bad times. Our cat decided that digging his claw into my toe and making me bash my foot off of the reclining couch was a great idea! So, off to the ER we went. There is deep tissue bruising and ice, rest, and pain medicine is all that was required...oh and they wrapped it up. It is the next day and already it doesn't hurt as bad and I am able to walk on it.

Jason and our Odie Puppy

Jason is still on high cholesterol medicine, but he is being careful and feels and looks pretty healthy. He is having issues with heartburn off and on though. I fear that he may be having gallbladder issues. If so, out it will come as well, and we will get through that surgery too. The older we get the more we realize the crap we put ourselves through when we were younger, we are paying for today. We have not smoked since his hospital visit. This month it is 5 months without a smoke. We have never really drank alcohol so I don't worry about that. We do have to eat better, but it is hard on a limited budget and picky eaters in the house. Exercise is next on our list, but my ankle has to heal and we have to find somewhere warm to do it at that doesn't cost 50 bucks a month.



We are trying to get our lives on the track we think they are meant to be on, but it is a long rough road. We know that we have to stop living like teenagers and take better care of our bodies and lives. We are in college and going after the degree's that we want to make our careers for the rest of our working days with. Everyone knows we have plans to move out of the United States and start our forever lives in Australia. So much is planned and going on in the next few years, but one thing is for sure. We are all happy, healthy and doing the best we can. We will take things one day at a time and we will survive because we are survivors.

New Years!

It is a new year and everyone is talking about goals and wishes. Mine this year are simple.  I only have a couple of goals this year that I plan to make a reality.

As most people that know me know, I am in college. I am getting a 3.90 GPA and my goal is to keep it there or raise it to a 4.0. I want to pass all my classes with as high of a grade that I am able to get. I will not stop until I have gotten my degree even though I don't know what that will be in yet. For most of my life I was a mother and wife. I have never done anything that wasn't for my family or kids. This is something that I chose to do not only for my family, but for myself. I am going to college because it is something I always wanted to do. I just got side tracked along the way. I am ready now to do the things in my life I was meant to do, and to move forward with what the future holds for me, my husband and my children.  I want to change the world for the better, I just don't know how to do that yet.

Ashford University copright 2011

That brings me to my next New Year goal. I plan to start a saving account that I keep all of our money in that we can possibly spare. I don't want to waste another dime and not because I am trying to be thrifty. I want to save every penny possible because the faster we save up money the faster we are able to move out of the United States. Jason and I both agree that America is going down the tubes fast and there is no way we are going to stay here when we don't have to. We are looking into Tasmania and Australia. The speak English there so we would not have to learn a second language nor would Tyler. Tiffany does not want to go with us and Brad can't as they don't have SSI there and he can't work. Dakota will stay behind with his father as well.

Australian Flag

This will be a big change for me as I am used to having all my children close by. I don't want to force them to go when they don't want to though and Tiffany has made a lot of friends here in IL. There is always visits to us and us to them so I am sure we will survive. Dakota is Brad's pride and joy so I know he will be cared for and all of Brad's family is close by to help him if needed. Tiffany will be 14 this year and in 4 years she will be an adult. I hope to be moved before 4 years, but we are not sure when we will be able to move for sure. I worry like any mother would, but I know in my heart that this is the best thing for Jason and I. Tyler is so young he will adjust just fine and my other kids will be okay here in the states with their dad and their family. If they ever want to visit and move out with Jason and I we will not deny them that option.

So as you can see, this year I have set goals and I plan to stick to them. Every year people set goals of weight loss, or whatever and never stick to them. I am doing something a bit different. I am setting goals for my future. I would do these things whether it was the "New Year" or not. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and that they are safe. I hope that you are able to set realistic goals and make your life as wonderful and love filled as you deserve. Always remember that if you follow your heart you can never go wrong.